‘I haven’t written a blog in awhile. I should do that. What should I write about? Also, I’m going to stop and get some sort of cheese on my way home. I’m in the mood for some sort of cheese.’
– I thought to myself when I was sitting in class.
Young, precious, full of naive hope for the future.
Driving home from Ashland at 10:15 p.m, as I was singing (performing) Unwritten by my girl Natasha Beddingfield and eagerly awaiting the jalapeño pimento dip which I could hear calling my name from Albertson’s,
The unthinkable happened.
A red light appeared on my dash.
I’ve learned one thing, in my ten years as a motor vehicle operator, and one thing only;
Red lights on the dash ain’t playin’ no games.
(Yellow lights are a different story.
To yellow lights I simply respond, ‘Oh, stop it. You are fine. And I am a princess.’
I have been using this tactic on three dashboard yellow lights for quite some time, now.
It’s been working surprisingly well.
‘Gosh dang-it, son of a crack whore, slut.’
– I said as I pulled to the side of I5 at a very undesirable location.
‘This. Is. Piss.’
– I said when the problem wasn’t solved by turning my car off, and back on again.
AAA, here I come.
AAA Lady: ‘I’ve been telling everyone that it’s a 2 hour wait. But since you’re on the freeway, I’m bumping you to the front of the list.’
My dear cousins agreed to come wait for the tow truck with me, so I didn’t get stolen.
And now I have this updated, low-quality, family picture:
Imagine our delight when Tow-Truck Man arrived in record time!
His name was Joe.
We pop the hood and Tow-Truck Driver Joe and my cousin assess the situation.
As the adrenaline wears off, I become aware of the conversation around me.
I begin hearing words like ‘seal blown‘ and ‘gallons of oil.’
These words sound expensive.
So I stop listening.
Joe: ‘Looks like you made a good choice to stop driving immediately.’
Cousin: ‘Her dad’s a mechanic. He taught her well.’
Dani: ‘It’s true. A red light came on and I instantly went into fight or flight. A yellow light, I’ll push that for a good 80 to 1,000 miles. But a red light? I’ll stop right in my friggin tracks. Sorry, Natasha Beddingfield. Our encore will have to wait.’
Joe: ‘Did the car make any knocking noises before you pulled over?’
Dani: ‘I was singing much too loudly at the time to be able to give you an accurate answer, now. It was my solo, you understand.’
Joe: ‘It’s too bad you couldn’t make it home. But it’s a good thing you didn’t try.’
Dani: ‘That’s why I have AAA. I paid a lot of money for you to come do this for free.’
Joe: ‘Yeah? You got the basic plan? Let’s see what you got. You’re a PREMIUM?! Daaaaaaamn, girl!‘
Dani: ‘I assure you that I am nothing less than a princess in every situation, Tow-Truck Driver Joe.’
Joe: ‘Well I’ll get this all hooked up. You can wait in the cab. Feel free to mess with the heater, radio, whatever.’
If he had had an iPhone charger, I would have thought I was in an Uber.
(He had a Samsung. I judged him a little.)
Immediately after this picture was taken, my phone died.
Even though it said it had 12%.
Because why wouldn’t it.
(That’s what I get for being cocky and judging his Samsung.)
Luckily Tow Truck Driver Joe was not thirsty for blood, and I did not need to call in rescue relief.
Tow Truck Driver Joe and I had a lovely conversation during our time together.
If I end up in a graduate program, it’s because Tow Truck Driver Joe has inspired me to pursue my education to the fullest.
I was delivered to my home, safe and sound, just shy of midnight-ish.
It was then that I realized I never got any sort of cheese,
And I was in fact starving to death,
Because I live like a hobo.
I should have asked Joe to stop at Albertson’s.
He seems like the kind of guy that would enjoy pimento dip.
One more thing for us to bond over.
I looked in a cupboard and found this.
I AM a princess and I WILL survive.
😉 🙂 😀